dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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