How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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