What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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