you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
