My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I touched a dick in church today
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
