She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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