im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
