he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
