How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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