I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
