if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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