do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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