Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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