So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
either way he was missing a nipple.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
