i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
