last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
