just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
