The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
