I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
