my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
