All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
