Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
