ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
