Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize