I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
