She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
