My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
