We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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