I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
