I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
