I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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