remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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