At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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