"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
