You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
