Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
