I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
