are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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