just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
