Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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