your thong is hanging out like whoa
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
