I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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