I just made out with a guy for $7.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
