Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you had me at cake vodka
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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