I haven't been this sober since birth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
