drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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