he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize