turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize