that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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