last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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