Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As shirtless as possible
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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