that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize