I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
