Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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