Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
