Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dignity is for republicans.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
