your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
