hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
