hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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