I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
