Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The adults are the big ones right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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