Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize