According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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