I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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