I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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