i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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