I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
