have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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