remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
