I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
