I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
