This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
