he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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