even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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