Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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