Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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