so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
