Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
