i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize