were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
