I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
