Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
