I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
