But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
