well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
