This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk is not a location!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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