I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
