Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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