Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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