You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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