I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
