Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
