I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
